Why I Quit Watching Porn
Post 30 - My Struggle With Porn-Induced ED And The Vicious Cycle Of PMO
I had been putting this one off for quite a bit now. I didn’t think I was ready to write this yet but in the light of partaking in No Nut November, this one goes out to all my boys.
This is not easy to write and put out on the internet, but there are some things that you have a terrible responsibility of sharing and it would be a sin not to, so here goes.
I discovered masturbation while I was pretty young— 13 to be exact. I embarrassingly look back on the day that I walked into class and proclaimed to the boys that I have the power to be a father now. Yeah, that’s exactly the kind of memory that keeps you up on a Wednesday at 2 am.
From that day onwards, it became routine. For 8 years, nearly every single day, I masturbated. For the first three years, it was just me, the shower running, and my thoughts, but at the age of 16, I was handed a smartphone, and well, you know how that goes with a 16-year old boy with unlimited internet access. From then on it was porn, the shower running, and me handling business.
As life progressed, I saw a lot of men complaining about ‘porn addiction’, and I was ignorant enough to laugh it off. I’ve seen addiction, real addictions. ‘You compulsively watching women getting railed is not an addiction bruv.’ Plus, I didn’t see masturbation and porn as a form of evil. To me, it seemed like a healthy way of discovering my body and getting to know my sexual boundaries.
I still believe there is nothing wrong with masturbation and it can be quite healthy for adolescents to partake in to get comfortable with sexual gratification. Porn, however, I have some serious issues with. But, I’ll get to that in a second.
Another common rationalization was— Hey, it’s just once a day, it’s not taking a lot of time, it’s a way for me to de-stress and there are no serious problems associated with it. It’s not as the guys that do it thrice if not more times a day. It should be no Bueno.
Spoiler alert— It was not no Bueno. About three months ago, I was hanging out with a very attractive girl (we’re good friends now) that I had met a few months back and things got steamy. When we got down to business, little Johnny wouldn't get to work. I dismissed my first bout with erectile dysfunction as nerves and getting it with a girl I’m not in a relationship with (which was how all my previous experiences had gone).
A couple of weeks later, we gave it a try again. Same problem. I was beyond devastated and embarrassed. Am I really a man, a healthy one at that, if I can’t even friggin get hard? It didn’t help that the girl was blaming herself for it. Did I fail as a man so bad that my problems were now a source of some other person’s insecurities?
I got to work. I had to figure out what was going on. Was it because I’d recently picked up drinking a little? Or was it a condition I had? Should I see a doctor? But, it works perfectly fine when I’m home watching goddamn hentai.
I got to researching. I looked up information from a ton of sources and here’s what I found— Erectile dysfunction is higher than ever, low libido levels, and testosterone levels are lower in men in their 20’s than it has ever been in recorded history. The data could point to things such as constant exposure to radiation, chemicals in the food and water we consume and bathe in, or even our unhealthy diets. However, the strongest correlation between these problems in men was linked to the rise in the consumption of pornographic material.
Erectile dysfunction was majorly reported in cases of intimacy and physical sexual interaction and not while watching porn. The verdict is out— we are living in an epidemic of Porn-Induced Erectile Dysfunction.
That was it. The solution was to give up PMO (Porn, Masturbation, and Orgasm). And so the journey began. The goal was to navigate through a hyper-sexualized world without caving into cheap hits of dopamine through watching a quick video during my shower. I went cold turkey (no if’s and buts). I wasn’t going to try to give up porn, I had to.
I’d be lying if I said it was easy. I didn’t come off clean completely but it was progress in the right direction. I relapsed about 8-9 times over 90 days, which hey, as a guy that did it every day for nearly 8 years, it wasn’t bad. And, let me be the first one to tell you that the change in the quality of my life was instant. It felt like a massive weight had been dropped off my shoulder— it was liberating. I believe almost every man would feel like this if they see this process through.
I may write more about this topic since this is an important conversation men need to be having and it has been such a gratifying and rewarding journey for me.
But for now, why is porn bad for you?
From an evolutionary psychological perspective, your brain has been wired to give you mind-numbing levels of pleasure from sexual activities, because that’s how we propagate our genes. It’s built so deeply into us that organisms essentially function by a few axioms— react to stimuli, grow and adapt, maintain homeostasis, and reproduce.
The gene pool that was built to seek more pleasure from reproduction through sexual intercourse, lived on. Essentially all our lineage has been that of horny fuckos and you are no different. You are highly sensitized to sexual stimuli.
In a rudimentary world, a male would have to display traits and displays of attractiveness to be able to be selected by females to have sex. The male works on building traits (climbing the social structure for chimps, dancing for manakin birds, etc) that attract females. Without the need to have sex, the male chimp has no motivation to climb the social hierarchy and a male manakin bird would learn and display no dance moves. An organism that is getting unlimited sex, does not have to put in the work to seek and attract a partner.
Of course, we, as humans don’t live in a rudimentary world. Our mate attraction behaviors are much more complex. We have multiple traits scrutinized before selecting mates, but the basic truth still stands— we have to work on traits of sexual attraction whether it is being in decent shape, having status, money, displaying your value as an ideal partner, etc.
Now consider what porn does to your brain— It tricks your brain into thinking that you are actively involved in the process of sex. It doesn’t recognize the difference between voyeurism and you getting some because the same brain receptors that are active during sex are active while watching porn.
And to a brain that is hyper-stimulated with constant hits of dopamine and serotonin, seemingly from this unlimited sex we are having, it falls back on comfortability. It doesn’t need additional motivation, testosterone, and to display sexual value, etc to attract mates.
So, you get stuck in this vicious cycle of being comfortable while being rid of all the motivators you need to get your life together, build something valuable, actually talk to girls, and so much more.
So, next time the door is shut, the earphones are plugged in and the incognito tab is on think twice and reconsider what is more important to you— this quick hit of dopamine from a cheap source that is crippling your life or getting your life back in order and finding meaning in the hardship.
Good luck on your journey soldier.