Last year, in November, after watching porn for 9 years, I decided to quit.
After a year of tweaking, failing, and subverting blame, I’ve landed the proper stride.
Here are a few thoughts and action steps on quitting porn and masturbation—
Why Should You Quit Porn?
Understanding why you should quit is the biggest factor in actually quitting.
I was scared shitless (or nutless) when I heard all the things it does to you.
So, I hope to give you a better perspective on this.
It seems like in every community except for the manosphere, everyone encourages porn.
“It’s normal,” they claim.
Is it?
Is it normal to watch two people (sometimes more) take part in sex through pixels on the screen?
What do you think watching another dude rail a woman you’re attracted to does to your self-worth as a man?
Is it normal to watch and get sensitized to weird niches of porn that don’t reflect reality?
I hate to break it to you but you’re never going to sleep with the women you watch (especially not your anime waifu).
On an evolutionary scale of rarity, sex is super rare.
A few hundred years ago, you wouldn’t roll out of bed, see a naked woman, get to have sex and bust.
Because that’s not how it works.
200 years ago, or even millennia before that, you’d have to meet so many criteria to be eligible to have sex with a woman.
You’d need high status, you would need to be semi-attractive, and you’d have to negotiate relations with the woman.
Now, it’s as simple and mindless as two taps on a screen.
Consider this—
Food and porn share the same problem. The only difference is that one is clear.
Food and sex are both super important to us, which is why we’re rewarded with so many feel-good chemicals.
These were in short supply, which is why we're wired to like them as much as we do.
The feel-good chemicals in your body are for you to crave the next dopamine hit of sex and food.
That's our baseline. Now add the following:
-Agriculture revolution
-Industrial revolution
-Continuous supply of food
-Hyper-stimulating and palatable food
-Delivered to your doorstep, with a tap of a button.
Guess what happens?
Obesity rates skyrocket, and people die because of this shit.
You don’t think sex does the same thing in some way or another to you?
You have the sickness that porn causes, the way food causes obesity.
The only difference is that one is very evident, and the other one will not show signs until it’s too late for you.
And, exactly like the crash you feel after eating a big meal, busting does the same thing.
When you’re fasted, both for food and sexual release, you become a different person.
Your brain and body become sharper. Your body enters overdrive to get you both food and sex.
Why I Hate The NoFap Community
Chances are, you already know NoFap. And, chances are you’ve already given it a try.
And, chances are high that you have failed, time and time again.
What’s the difference between you and the people that are not whacking the fuck outta their dicks every day?
I’ll tell you in a second, and it may not be what you think.
The NoFap community is NOT the answer.
You have associated shame with this, and now you want to join a community that increases this shame?
Here are some things that are wrong with the NoFap community:
Streaks
Do you count the days since you last did heroine? No. So, why are you treating this like a numbers game when it’s a lifestyle?
Stop counting your days. You’re fighting an uphill battle by making every day a war against porn.
Forget about the days.
I hate to break it to you, but day 2 and day 1209 are not different at all.
You don’t get any superpowers through not nutting.
Women aren’t more attracted to you on day 29, you don’t see through walls on day 84.
For the love of God, stop counting the days.
Treat it like a lifestyle, not a scorecard.
The biggest predictor of addiction recovery is a difference in attitude—
Guy 1 starts obsessively counting the days since he last smoked.
Guy 2 tries to forget about it and moves on and plays the long game.
Guess who will break out of the addiction?
To the guy that counts days and has streaks, he’s already setting himself up for success. Because we all know, streaks break.
Shit happens. And, if the numbers matter to you, the cycle of shame continues.
To the guy that tries to move on and focus on other things, even if he does smoke, he doesn't attach shame to it.
He doesn't feel like he has 'failed' by any metric.
Craving a smoke and giving in once in a while is part of the process.
He reflects on how he got there— was it bad sleep, was it the environment, etc.
He takes accountability and makes sure the circumstances are not repeated.
He then tries to control the variables, not his mind and urges, because that’s an uphill battle nobody can win.
The False Promises
Let me tell you something— Being on NoFap and busting a nut every day is not very different from doing it.
The only caveat?
-The shift in your self-image. You will have higher self-respect and higher standards for yourself.
-Increased energy.
Personally, I like those benefits. They're worth forgoing the pleasure of nutting.
But, what happens when guys are promised outrageous things in exchange for NoFap?
What happens when they're promised:
-Increased women's attraction on Day 21?
-Higher testosterone on Day 7?
-Facial hair thicker than your mom on Day 45?
They feel demotivated.
“What’s the point?”, they say.
On NoFap, fuckall changes.
So, find better reasons for yourself to do this.
Do you want a better reason? Being on NoFap is so sexually frustrating that you become aggressive.
Pit a guy who hasn’t fapped against a guy who just jacked off in a competition.
Who has the higher drive and aggression to destroy the other person?
The aggressive dude or the guy that’s in bliss?
I’ll take that edge over my competition any day.
Also, you stop looking at yourself as a loser, which surprisingly helps fix other parts of your life.
It’s Fucking Weird
It’s a whole community of dudes talking about how they can’t stop touching their dicks.
You are the type of person you associate with.
This is a personal journey. Talking to other guys who have the same problem as you won’t fix them.
If you wanted to be rich, would you learn from broke guys figuring it out, or from people that already are rich?
Consider this— Your monkey brain is a YES-machine.
It had to say yes to food, sex, pleasure, and comfort obsessively before to survive.
It does not understand NO.
It only understands the content of the concept that you’re thinking about.
For example: Don’t think of a purple rat.
What did you think of?
You can’t not ask your brain to NOT think of something.
Because, by thinking of NOT doing it, you’re thinking about the action.
For all I care, every time you think of NoFap, your brain only understands the activity attached to it.
NoFap to your Beep-Boop stupid brain computes as Fap, Fap, Fap.
The only way to not do something is by giving your brain something else to say yes to.
Your monkey brain is stupid. Treat it that way. Give it a different banana or toy.
Being a part of these groups begets more of the same actions.
Break out of this.
Every time you watch a video that reads “How to quit porn",” your brain realizes you watch porn and jack off.
It is a reminder of it. So, then the urges kick in.
I’m guilty of doing this right now, but I hope dumbing it down like this will make sense to you once and for all.
Your accountability partners and groups are reminders to your monkey brain to fap.
Quitting porn doesn’t open the gates of heaven to you, you only break free from hell.
The journey is only beginning.
In the next post, I hope to cover the ONLY things you will ever need to know about quitting PMO.